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Army was The Phil Silvers Show? The various soldiers who train endlessly for wars that never happen in Camp Swampy are little more than Smurfs - the crappy Hanna-Barbera cartoon Smurfs, mind you - but dressed in army fatigues.

Every soldier from Rocky to Gizmo is defined wholly by a single character trait, ready to be slapped onto a collectible drinking glass or molded into 3-D plastic for a figurine.

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Beetle Bailey is not really a comic strip so much as a toy ad - an ad for boring, incomprehensible toys that nobody wants to buy. The problem with Hagar the Horrible is that Hagar is insufficiently horrible. The strip is essentially about a Viking that never really Vikes. Hagar the Horrible features precious little killing or maiming let alone enslaving or rapingwhich is an incredible waste of a good black comedy premise.

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Instead, Hagar the Horrible is mostly about - you guessed it! Ho ho ho! The mother is bossy, the teenage girl an inept cook with a worthless boyfriend, the son is far too intelligent, the father dimwitted and selfish.

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Virtually every strip called out on this list is guilty of recycling art to a shameful degree, but Hagar is breathtakingly blatant about it. Specific jokes may be repeated with slightly different art as often as twice per month. Sometimes entire weeks of Hagar can pass without any of the strips making any goddamn sense, because Hagar the Horrible is one of those legacy strips where the inheritor clearly just cares about cranking out more product.

that is perhaps the most confusingly bad. What sort of entertainment value does Rex Morgan, M. Just things. Sometimes he disappears from the strip for long periods of time, allowing for stories focusing on disposable and generally boring minor characters. According to Wikipedia and a few other sources, the remit when Dal Curtis created Rex Morgan, M. was to educate people about health problems in a way that probably passed for entertaining back in those days.

So why is this thing still being published? When a modern Rex Morgan strip even remembers to include some sort of medical plot point, the portrayal is always insane and tedious. The medical problem may also disappear from the storyline for weeks at a time, unaccountably. Where do you even start in trying to explain the stark horror that is Marmaduke?

It features most of the banes of the comic page: a dopey premise, repetitive gags, boring-ass white suburban nuclear family protagonists. See, the family owns a dog and the dog is an enormous Great Dane!

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