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#9 The Watchmen. Issue Watchmen is the greatest superhero comic book of all time, so it has to be on all lists that include the words "greatest" and "superhero". Luckily for us, the naked fight scene between Rorschach and Doc Manhattan in Issue 12 is a keeper! And it follows memorable naked quantum-physics scenes and naked menage-a-doppelganger scenes that changed my dating
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Sex Tube Films 6. and just so you'd know where Burne's bread was buttered, we are shown nothing but Greystoke's curiously un-tanned buttocks for those hundred pages-the Jungle Lord's crown jewels were hidden in shadows or behind vines or strategically placed gorillas the whole time.
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But oh, those glistening backside orbs were in full display-page after page-bulbously leaping from tree to tree in a cascade of male glute flesh rarely seen outside a clergyman's rectory. And when Tublat Tarzan's gorilla father starts messing with Kala Tarzan's gorilla motherwe're treated to the second-bloodiest naked superhero fight scene on the list. EXTRA NAKED POINTS: Everyone in this scene is stripped to the gonzos, INCLUDING TARZAN'S MOM! I dare you to fight someone while your mom is watching nude.
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If you didn't want to see an "in the buff" teen-Aquaman fighting a grown man in rubber pants, then why have you read this far? Some self-examination is in order. Okay, I get that Aquaman's origin story was kinda like "Tarzan of the Fish," and if his dolphin pals weren't ashamed of their blowholes, why should he be?
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But this scene goes that extra special mile for its entertainment dollar. It involves rubber pants, choking, punching, animal noises and a young lad tied starkers and spread in a chair. That's at least three-fifty downtown, but the comic retailed for two dollars, quite a bang for your buck in You always wondered why Aquaman has such a devoted following-it's not just because he can breathe underwater.
I wasn't kidding about how often Logan goes sans pants. They even have a special term to alert the students at the X-Mansion when Wolverine is "sunnin' the package": It's called "midafternoon".
But of all the nudie Wolverine fights, this is the yardstick against which all others are measured. And if you're measuring with a yardstick, you're already impressing me.
The zenith of Logan's multi-issue birthday-suit wood romp comes when he fights the equally unclothed and competitively hirsute wolves in MCP: Weapon X 77, and bathes in their mighty blood when it's all done. The most badass moment in comics is suitably bare-assed and has been referenced again and again.
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Millar and Hitch's Ultimates run was a leader in the naked-fight-scene genre, with an average of one naked fight per 3. One of the most important cts of a man-to-man fight is the ability to look your opponent in the eye and say belittling things to him.
And Cap hands Hank the beat-down that he had coming all the same. THAT'S why you salute the man with the shield.
This can't be a coincidence. There's no way that the editor was unaware that the first two words in this naked fight scene are "swish" and "Dick.? Someone had to be spying on me.
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And the second page of this memorable sequence begins with another unfortunately worded balloon that I'm not going to type up, in case I enjoy it more than I should. Just read it yourself out loud if the elderly are present.
And it all ends with a spread-eagle boy wonder, and naked Bruce looking down on him, again saying "Dick Follow Bruce's stare. Go check, I'll wait.
It was as though the editorial team at DC had decided to give in to the fan mail they'd been getting from "that anti-Wertham" crowd, and just let them have one issue to call their own. I think the story had something to do with mind control, and Hugo Strange, and something like that. Did anyone read the other 18 pages in this issue when people were wearing clothes?
My copy won't open.
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